Day after surgery.
Don’t really remember much of surgery besides talking to the nurse and then waking up in recovery. I know I was given apple juice and graham crackers and I had to focus really hard on eating them. I was in a daze. Lots of sleeping happened.
But what I do know… is today… I’m not gonna lie today the pain is absolutely horrible. My foot feels like it’s on fire. I can feel every single staple. My toes are numb which makes me a little concerned. I feel every play screw, stitch, anchor you name it. Moving my leg in any direction hurts. It hurts to lift it up – it hurts to lay it down- it just hurts. Today is the first day that I cried from the pain. It has been the worst pain that I’ve ever felt before in my entire life. So, I sit here shoveling goldfish crackers into my mouth with tears streaming down my face because I don’t know what else to do. It is just hell.
The boyfriend called the doctor. Their suggestion was to give me a catch-up dose of pain medication which I’m sure is going to make me sick. I don’t do painkillers well. And at this point I am really wishing I hadn’t gone through any of this. I keep thinking why me? Why did this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this?
Tomorrow I have been told is going to be just as bad so that’s something to look forward to.
Day #2 after surgery. I will forever listen to doctors now. The suggestion of a catch -up dose was amazing. I was able to sleep through the afternoon and then again through the night, comfortably! So if you’re going through anything like this…. please listen to your doctors! They are there to help you and their advice will! It was amazing!
Day #5 after surgery. Another shitty day. Just like the previous days. We are going on day five of sitting on the couch unable to do anything. I try and sleep as much as I can. Sleep is good for recovery I have been told.
But, I am absolutely losing my mind. The boyfriend keeps saying that he needs to “go out for a while“. Which is just codeword for he’s going for a run. And he doesn’t wanna tell me he’s going for a run because he knows how jealous I’ll get. And to be truthfully honest, I’m incredibly jealous. And it sucks knowing that he’s going to travel and gets to go race. And I have to sit on the couch for six more weeks unable to move. But that’s natural right? It’s okay to feel jealous about others getting to do something that you want to do but can’t do.
And if I didn’t feel helpless before well now I do. I can’t even shower without help getting in, out, washing myself… putting on underwear. Nothing. My hair is falling out in chunks. I’m in tears again and getting snippy because I am beyond frustrated.
So, there are a lot of tears today.
One thing they don’t tell you when you get injured that your lack of motivation to do anything. And I mean anything. I love to read normally but can’t even imagine picking up a book right now. I like to color – nope not now. Hang out with people? Nah… all you wanna do lay down and sulk. Which is beyond frustrating because you’re upset that you can’t do anything you love in the first place. They say dealing with injury is like dealing with a loss and so far, I’d say they are spot on.
Another I didn’t realize is how little of an appetite I would have. I am never really hungry. But, I know I have to eat and stay hydrated. It is very difficult. And the last thing I want is a salad or something healthy if I am going to eat. I want comfort food if anything. And cookies. I don’t even like sweets but I want cookies. I don’t know. I don’t get it.
One week out of surgery. And I’m slowly starting to lose my mind. I am not good with not having a routine and not being able to control anything. And not being at my job is completely stressing me out. I know that I’m not being CCed on emails – I have no control over anything – I feel like I’m a ball of nerves and panic.
Day #8 after surgery. Lots of the days just start to blend together. Every day is the same. Wake up, force myself to eat something, watch TV, try and eat something again….. same shit different day. It’s all just a waiting game. Motivation is still lacking. I still don’t wanna see people yet at the same time I want to get out of the house. I’ve been sitting in the same spot for 3 weeks now that I have created a little nest on the couch. My kittens love all the snuggle time. The leg is still uncomfortable at times but the pain is much more manageable. All I can really feel are the staples especially when I move.
And I am itchy under my cast. And the worst part… I can’t do anything about it! I feel like I am constantly putting cream on my knee and above my cast because my skin is very dry and gets very hot easily. I am hot (temperature wise) all the time. Even the window is open next to me and I am still hot! My body is revolting! Haha!
Only a couple more days until my follow- up and then some real news…
one more mile 